This is an area of the cycle of life that I do not connect well with. Yes, I understand it is necessary and I have no control over who, when, or how it affects those I love. Still doesn’t mean have to like it! For those who know me (as well as those reading this blog), they know I struggle with the words to say to those who are experiencing lose.
Words seem to be meaningless; they don’t seem to compare to the pain the lost has caused. So I usually become silent, instead of saying words I try my best to just be there. Be there to listen. Be there to discuss the good and bad times. Or just to pray.
When did the silence start? When I experienced a loss that seemed to slice into my heart causing not just tears but a burning pain. My little brother’s death was unexpected and to this day is still something that has not been clearly explained to me. This was the first lost that knocked me off balance…for awhile. I was mad at God for taking him.
Jason wasn’t even 20, yet he was more mature than some men I knew. At 16, he asked our mom if she would allow him to marry his high school sweetheart because they were expecting their first child together. I wanted God to tell me why my brother’s life had to end while those who have been doing worse were still allowed to live.
Honestly, there was nothing in the Bible that could make me let it go. It wasn’t until 2017 when the movie “The Shack” came out that I begin to let go of all the bitterness that was deeply rooted inside of me. God reminded me that He loved all of His children, that His love for us exceeds anything we have ever felt by another human being. As a child sitting in church the first scripture learned about the love of God is John 3:16. It speaks of a God who loved us with such passion that He allowed His son to die for our sin to have a closer relationship with us.
That love is not just for me it belongs to all who come to Him, it belongs to those who don’t know Him, it even belongs to me when I don’t do right by Him.
So when my brother died, God was hurt by the pain from losing my brother and from the person who took His life. He created them both with love and compassion in His heart. I could not blame Him for the actions of a man. I had to remember that man is born in sin, left with a choice to do God’s will or his own. Proverbs 5:21-23 is clear in explaining how sin becomes an entrapment causing those who choose it to become caught up, lead away from God’s instruction killing the ability to hear Him above himself.
So I ask you what are you holding on to that is keeping you from seeing God as He is and not as we think He should be? Put that to death to allow a new relationship to begin with your eyes wide open.