Not too long ago, I had a discussion with some girlfriends about my trust in God. Like how and why I have struggled with trusting Him with my whole heart. My ultimate confession was that I didn’t feel that God really understood how I felt about the choices I had to make in my life. His rules limited my ability to be “happy” while living the one life He had blessed me with. Often my refusal to follow the simple instructions He provided cause me to turn away from Him. There were also the times when He didn’t do what I asked of Him. You know like when I really prayed for a job, relationship or that car I really wanted. I mean how can I see Him as God when He couldn’t protect my family from the harsh motives of the world. The issue was I didn’t trust Him to be more the people He had created. I called Him God but did not allow the power of what His name meant seep past the surface of my understanding.
Growing up my relationship with God was based on the stories shared in Sunday school, testimonies given during service, and the occasional conversation I overheard during Bible study. They taught me that God hears our prayers, that He is attentive to His people, and that for Him to move in my life all I needed to do is trust Him. No one explained (or it could be that I didn’t listen) all that God is. I can honestly see why God is seen as a genie at times instead of the creator of the world. Limited knowledge offers limited understanding! I had placed God in a box that had limitations, they kept Him from revealing His true nature and me from placing Him where He belonged in my heart. True understanding of God only comes when we are willing to allow Him to remove all our expectations, limitations, boundaries, and whatever else we have used to blocked us from seeing His identity.
Can He trust us to see Him as Himself? Revealing His glory layer by layer, as to not overwhelm us with His brilliance. That is the question that rang in my head when I begin to seek Him. I decided I wanted to know who God really was for myself. Beyond what I learned on Sundays and from the devotionals I read and listened to, I wanted to know Him on a deeper level. So I did as the word says in Jeremiah 29:13, and began to seek Him for direction with my whole heart. That is when I first heard about the First Baptist Church of Glenarden (FBCG), can you say mega church! I have always been a member of a family-oriented church so leaving what I knew and stepping into a larger arena was frightening. I prayed about it and attended online for a few months while still attending my church. The response to my prayer was a hunger for God that I had never felt before. After making my pastor aware of my desire to attend another church I started attending FBCG on a regular basis. I felt like a fish out of water, yet I felt like this was a place to learn to swim. If you haven’t guessed, I have been improving my swimming skills daily in my pursue of Him. He has shown me what it means to be a disciple of Christ. What surprised me most about this journey is that He has shown me who I am as He has opened my eyes to see Him.
As I contemplated this situation even further, I begin to think about the times that God put His trust in me and I fell short. How many times has He provided me the chance to share my story with others? Many! But I chose to keep my mouth shut because I didn’t see how it would help. Have I used all the gifts that He has given me in a way that honors Him? No, Instead I find reason why what I have to offer was not enough. Do I deny Him when I should stand firm in who He is in my life? Yes, I there been times when I allowed my opinion to override what God says is true. I’ve wondered if I can trust Him when if I think about it, I haven’t shown Him the same level of trust. The Bible has many stories of people who God could trust, for example Abraham, Moses, Job, and Jesus. They all followed what God told them to do. Did they always get it right, no, but they did their best! Their best was when they just following the last instruction that God gave them showing that they trusted He would keep His word. Each time they succeeded in completing a task God knew He could trust them with more. That is what I want in my relationship with God, to be trusted by Him. To have the ability to keep moving on His last word without falling to the left or the right…. that is my desire.