Why am I a Christian? Why do I follow a God who says that I will never live up to the commandments He has set forth for His people? These are questions that have been asked of me as I decided to follow Christ. My answer is simple, God loves me. I believe, by faith, that God has had mercy on me because of His love for me and my desire to love Him back allows Him to change my sinful heart. I know for a fact that I alone am not able to walk away from the sin that tempts me daily, it is only because of Him I am able to stand firm in who He has called me to be.
I can honestly say I am not perfect in this walk, I am still a sinner. How? Haven’t I decided to follow God, turning away from my wicked ways? The word says there is no one good, but God. Mark recounts the encounter Jesus had with the young rich ruler who wanted to know what he had to do to become a follower of Christ (Mark 10:17-22). He reminds me of myself, stating how he has followed the rules required to be a good person. That should be enough, right! I have turned away from sin and lived in a way that glorifies God so I’m ready, right! Yet as I read further, Jesus tells the young man that he must give up all his possessions and give to those who are less fortunate, then follow Jesus. Can you imagine? Reading this I felt I had nothing to worry about, Lord you know I have no possessions so I’m good, let’s do this! Not so. I have possessions that are not physical that I had not considered. I have certain ways of thinking and doing things, relationships, and desires that do not line up with God. I was not willing to give them up, so I wasn’t ready. Understanding this about myself made me look at all the things that I was not willing to give up to follow God. Yes, I know the passage is about a rich man but how many of us hold our own opinions just like those who value money. I realized I had no idea of how to do change.
So what do I do? How do I change how I feel or handle situations in my life? Prayer is my answer now but trust me it took me awhile to get here. My old response was to try and fix me on my own. I would try to change my old habits. Research states that in order change a habit was to practice the new one for at least 28 days. After this my behavior should shift, I would no longer have the same reaction. I found this not to be the case. Without a firm foundation in the new behavior I often found myself falling back into the behavior I was trying to get away from. It wasn’t until I begin to desire a deeper relationship with God that I begin to change my behavior drastically. When I stopped trying and relying on myself I begin to pray more, reading my word more, and letting go of my way of thinking. Don’t get it twisted, I still struggle in a few areas. Which is why I openly admit, yes, I am still a sinner. Yet I am loved and accepted by a God who is changing me as I surrender to.
Matthew 16:24 -26, helps me to remember that denying myself is something I have to do daily. Denying myself is something that doesn’t happen once and I’m good. It takes work, moment by moment I work at making sure I am not allowing my old habits to creep back into my daily behavior. Recognizing this has allowed me to repent and take account for the things I allow in my life. And with that I follow Him carrying with me the knowledge of my desires but knowing that if I stay connected to Him I can focus on following Him. So yes I am a sinner…one who has been redeemed by Jesus Christ focusing on all He has for me to do. Knowing without a doubt that I will not always get it right, but as I keep putting my trust in Him, He will provide me with all I need to make it through.